Best Man's duties

This is the day that your best friend has waited for since he discovered his nether regions and has asked you to stand by his side as he commits himself to the love of his life.

Below is a list of Best Man do's and don'ts:

• Plan and co-ordinate the bachelor party and pay for it along with the groomsmen
• Do not shave the grooms head/tattoo/allow groom to end up in hospital/force groom to drink on bachelor weekend
• Give a speech at the rehearsal dinner
• Give a speech at the wedding
• Keep the groomsman in order
• Assist in the settng up
• Assist in the packing up
• Escort the MOB and the MOG to their seats
• Sit at the head table during the reception
• DO NOT GET DRUNK AT THE WEDDING OR THE REHEARSAL DINNER
• Attend every function
• Make sure you are the groom's safety valve and sounding board
• DO NOT LET THE GROOM GET DRUNK AT THE WEDDING
• Be in charge at the church
• Dance with the Mother of the Bride and the Maid of Honor
• Make sure that all suits are returned the day after the wedding
• You have 2 roles:  Promotional Model and Slave.  Play both.  Play them well
• Fun is not an option, it's a duty to quote:  Clark Griswold from National Lampoon’s Vacation, “I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f**king fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes!”